Everyone always says they want to be a better parent than they had. I don’t think I’ve met a person yet that hasn’t told me they hope to not make one mistake or another their parents made while raising them. I think about this sometimes, but a blog post by one of my bloggie buddies today really struck home. Michele was posting about how her nephew was offered marijuana on the bus. He is 12 years old, and came home and told his mother about it (Michele’s sister).
Anyway, it got me thinking. Chris and I had completely different upbringings. My parents divorced when I was 2, so I got to see them both as pretty well who they were (or who they were pretending to be in some cases) instead of a solid united front for, or against me.
If this same scenario had played out for me (Which it didn’t) I would never, ever have told my Mom. Never. I’m certain I would have just ignored it. Also, I could not have told my father. Not because I don’t think he would have been understanding, but I think he would have told my Mom, and told her to deal with it. The above punishment would then have been applied twice for not telling her myself.
There are some things that I just was not open ever talking to my parents about. When I was about 9, I started having nightmares about dying. There was a girl in my school that had cancer, and we were slowly watching her die over months, and then years. It was sad, and scary, and I had nightmare after nightmare. I made the mistake of telling my mom a few times. I was then told “If you don’t stop this, we’re going to take you to a psychiatrist”. I’m not sure she ever told my Father, and as I assumed this was a bad thing, I never mentioned it again. The nightmares continued for years. I didn’t have any interest in being the “Crazy girl” at school who had to miss the last however long of her classes because she had to go to the “Head doctor” – school is tough enough, thank you.
Anyway, my plan is to be as open as I can with my children. I never drank, smoked, nor did drugs. I did other things, I made mistakes, and I “borrowed” my Mom’s car from the train station while she was at work more than once. I plan, someday in outsmarting my kids, and when I catch them in said deception, I plan to sit and talk with them about why they were going to do what I already knew they were going to do. Sometimes they will listen, most of the time they will just think I am insane. I aspire to be the Mom that her kids can trust with anything. Chris also made mistakes, different than I, but he still made them. Certainly not drugs, so at least we can stand united with that, but we will be honest with our kids.
Here’s hoping this plan works as well as I hope it will!
So, what kind of parent are you, and what kind of parent do you hope to be?
Sabrina
