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We still haven’t gotten our money back from the long over house contract. It’s over, where’s my CHECK!? – I’m very frustrated.

Adding to the frustration is the fact that Chris is gone (again) and Lily is now sick. She’s running 101.0 fever and throwing up- Lovely

Adding to that is that one of Charlie’s teachers is all over my back. His progress report wasn’t “stellar” which already ticked me off in regards to her, but now she’s bugging the hell out of me for a conference. Honestly, when the hell do I have time to sit with her in peace and quiet and talk about how “stupid” she obviously thinks my kid is? Does she really think I’m not going to fly off the handle and strangle the life out of her the minute she starts talking about him “Not doing as well as she hoped”? He’s leaps and bounds ahead of last year, and he’s exceeding my expectations with logic, and memory skills. So what if he doesn’t want to write his name!? So what if he counts flawlessly to 10, but skips 15 when counting to 20? He’s got years to figure that out! I don’t believe he should be reading next year! It’s KINDERGARTEN for Pete’s sake! KINDERGARTEN, not SR yr of High school! – Sorry for that rant, I’m really losing it with her. He’s really doing so much better than last year, and even this year in his old school (which reminds me, I ran into his old teacher the other day, can you say awkward? – How about if we’re still up here her sister in law will be his Kindergarten teacher!?). Anyway, I’m over it. Now, they are telling me he has no self-esteem. Apparently I’m a bad parent because I don’t know why he has no self esteem (I don’t think it’s a SE issue, I think he just has his dad’s quirky personality!) and don’t know what to do to increase it. She says this because 1. He doesn’t like to try new things (Like CHRIS!) 2. He won’t say anything if he doesn’t know the answer. He has to be positive he’s right first (Like CHRIS!) 3. He’s Mr Outgoing, and usually travels in a pack as opposed to doing things on his own (And the problem is!? He’s doing things, isn’t he!? Maybe he’s just a pack animal!) – Like I said, I’m beyond done.

Honestly, progress reports in Preschool!? I took naps, sang songs, and had fun…doesn’t sound like he has a lot of fun there…I look back on Preschool and smile. It was a lot more fun than Kindergarten (Because I don’t remember it) and heaven compared to 1st grade when my first grade teacher called me in front of the class and said “You are the dumbest little girl I’ve ever had the displeasure of teaching. I don’t think you will ever learn to read, you are just stupid” – Yes Mrs LaGreid, I remember what a cruel, hateful, disgusting wench you were. I hope you choke to death on those words! (I showed her, I can read a 500+ page book in 5.5 hrs!). I will never forget her, or the hate and hurt in her words. I refuse to let my child ever fear inferior. He’s terribly stubborn, but also terribly crafty and smart. He knows that if I feel he really doesn’t want to do something I will make him do it, so he just sort of fakes it now. -Ugh. I had hoped to foster a love of learning, but I think preschool has ruined that for him. I’m not sure I will put Ruthie in. I certainly wouldn’t up here.-Sigh.

I’m really grumpy. I can barely get my parents up here for the day let alone 2, and with Chris gone almost all the time, when am I supposed to schedule this thing? It has to be a day/time when Charlie won’t know. I don’t want him knowing we are talking about him. I think it will hurt his feelings. She already said too much in front of him when she said “We have a real problem with Charlie” – Seriously!? Grow a brain! How can a college-educated person be so stupid? You should NEVER say anything in front of the child! I don’t even talk with Chris about it when Charlie is around. I don’t want him thinking I’m upset with him!

Oh, and he does 100% fine at home. Knows all the letters by sight, ABC song, Sounds, Numbers by sight…he’s intimidated by that 1 teacher (who is the only one who does the evaluations) and he freezes at “test time”. I understand that all too well. My poor son. Of all the things he HAD to inherit from me. Ugh…I’m already dreading this “conference”.

Also – 1 of the other teachers thinks he’s doing beautifully. She thinks the other teacher is insane and expects too much from a 4 yr old! – Finally, a brilliant person!

-Sabrina

I haven’t mentioned this publicly, but Charlie has an allergy/intolerance to red dye. It doesn’t seem to matter which red dye (#40 is in most things, but not in M&M’s which also causes his episodes), he ingests; within an hour he’s a complete psycho. Our pediatrician agrees that this is most likely an issue, but doesn’t test for it (I would have to pay independently for the test he thinks). I was searching the Internet and found a few things that confirm both my, and the doctor’s suspicions…

First, there was this comment left on a message board post:

“RED DYE! I had the same problem, and recognized that 30 minutes prior to my daughter’s pick up time was SNACK TIME! We found out that Red Dye #40 (in most of her snacks/drinks) causes extreme problems, which mimic a psychotic episode. Removing the red dye (and Yellow#5) entirely from her diet brought out a completely different child. Online, researcing red dye’s effects, the explanation was ‘psychatric outbursts’. My childs seemed to come out of nowhere, started from anything OR nothing!! Look up Dr. Feingold online for help – you have to really look at ALL labels…you’d be surprised at what has red dye in it. TRY IT! It can’t hurt. =) good luck.”

You can view the entire post here:

http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/CA/768

Then, on a blog that I stumbled upon from another blog I found this:

“Let’s talk about how Red Dye 40 affected my daughter, Amanda. A year ago, I was having a really hard time with Amanda. She just wasn’t doing well. Things would set her off. She would start throwing temper tantrums that would last for 20 minutes. She couldn’t sit still. She would often cry uncontrollably. She would rage like a crazy person. She would try to hurt herself. She banged her head on the floor. She was defiant and hyperactive. She just looked tormented. As a parent, I felt this wasn’t normal 2 year old behavior. As a parent, I could see that there was something terribly wrong.

I started reading books like “The Difficult Child” and the “Out Of Sync Child”. I began getting really afraid that she might have Sensory Integration Disorder. She just couldn’t seem to control her behavior. On top of the raging, she seemed to exhibit reckless behavior too. Everything was pointing to a long and miserable childhood if I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. My intuition told me that something was making her behave like this. She was always a high needs baby, but she was never like I’ve described as a baby. I could tell that she had changed.

Finally, at my sister’s urging I changed our diet. I took all the dye out of the kid’s diet. I wasn’t always into healthy, organic food. They used to have Fruit Loops before breakfast every morning, for crying out loud! Within 2 days, she was a different child. She was the child I knew I was supposed to have. She doesn’t rage anymore. She is happy now.”

http://fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com/2007/02/feeding-our-children-petroleum-food-dye.html

For all the posts on red-dye you can visit here. There is even a great video of one of her daughter’s post-red dye episodes. It’s not pretty, but it’s very true…

http://fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com/search/label/red%20dye%2040

Finally, I found this:

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=228903

I cannot even begin to tell you the behavior issues we’ve had with Charlie in the past. The uncontrollable outbursts, screaming, crying, and overall meanness. I have banned him from eating red dye (which is hard because it’s in EVERYTHING!) and he’s a totally different kid. He’s sweet, kind, caring, calmer, follow directions, and is learning. The problem (as stated in the video) is that there is no physical reaction which is why I’ve heard it often brushed off. Charlie’s teacher even brushed it off at first. I can tell when they’ve given it to him at school, because his “behavior tag” is on “warning” and he talks back and yells at me. He also bangs his head on things and won’t cooperate with his teachers. There are no hives or breathing difficulties, only complete and under psychosis. Chris even noticed it when we went to a birthday party and Charlie had cake with red dye in it. I was hoping there would be a minimal amount, imagine my horor when I saw the cake for the first time:

Birthday Cake

Even the smaller cake had red dye in it (Red + White=Pink). I was afraid of what my son was going to trun into. At first, he just acts hyper, like any kid that has sugar. Unfortunately, that soon turns into Mr. Hyde as the dye begins to affect his brain. I am convinced that it causes some sort of impairment, or misfiring in his brain because he acts like a complete JERK.

I used to get very angry with him, because his behavior is unimaginable. However, now I understand there is actually a problem I try to just handle it as nicely as I can. Luckily he didn’t act out much at the party because he was tired. Thank God he had run around so much he was exhausted because I don’t know if I could have handled him otherwise. When I asked him if he wanted water, he started to cry and whine-This is the first sign of his meltdown. He cries for no reason at all. He talks and makes no sense sometimes.  He’s very emotionally un-glued. He screams, he throws tantrums, he bangs his head of things, and he never listens. Maybe you can understand why I avoid the red dye. He’s not like that at all when he doesn’t have it. He’s the child I know he is inside, that other child is just a deranged monster on steroids. Charlie and Ruthie fight a lot less too. They used to fight constantly and she was always biting him because he took “__insert toy name here__” or hit her, yelled at her, etc…They still fight, but a lot less. I’m less stressed, and Charlie has less bite marks and bruises.

I want to make clear that I am not making excuses.  I have not just cooked this up in my head as a way to explain my son’s occasional outbursts. Charlie still has moments where he doesn’t want to listen, still cries, and doesn’t listen. He gets disciplined for those times.  However, since avoiding red dye these moments are down to MAYBE once a week instead of several times a day. Chris and I used to say he cries all the time, now, he doesn’t. Our pediatrician told me it would be like this, and I never would have believed it. I’m so grateful I came across these blogs and articles or I never would have known.

It’s a difficult to find sweets and treats without red dye, but we have found a few. It will make sorting candy post- trick or treat more interesting next year, as well as birthday parties, school parties, and other events. I won’t not let him have cake, but I will prepare myself for the enraged beast that he will shortly become.

I will leave you with a comparison shot from the party last week:

Before Red Dye

After eating pizza, before cake

After Red Dye

Whining already after cake

Which boy would you rather deal with? The sweet, mild mannered good boy, or the deranged monster red dye unleashes?

-Sabrina